A couple years ago, back when I thought Bush might actually lose in '04, I got to wondering what sort of Presidential Library the Saudis would buy for George W. Bush. I made passing reference to the GW Bush Presidential Library in a comment the other day but no one replied so I'll give it one more stab. It seems like Kos readers might have some interesting contributions.
According to Wikipedia, Presidential Libraries contain documents, artifacts, and displays that relate to the former president's career. The libraries contain a museum and provide an active series of public programs.
So what do you think the future George W. Bush Presidential Library will contain? My ideas & thoughts can be seen below. Please add your own in the comments!
Let's start with the artifacts and displays because the possibilities are endless.
I think some good exhibits would include the following:
- George W. Bush's unopened copy of the Bible.
- A copy of My Pet Goat along with Bush's crap stained pants (you know he crapped himself on 9/11 - that's why he sat there for 7 minutes looking like a dumbass as planes flew into the WTC). New nickname for Bush: Poopypants
- The guitar Bush pretended to play as New Orleans drowned; The rooftop of the library could be permanently draped in FEMA tarps.
- There should definitely be a replica campaign stage with a podium. Visitors could stand at the podium in front of a giant Orwellian backdrop and have their photos snapped as they tell bald-faced lies to other visitors. Maybe they can force members of the military to stand by as props while the person pretending to be like President Bush babbles on incoherently and acts like a petulant child who didn't get to take a nap.
- The various costumes that Bush likes to wear, like the flight suit & the defilibrator/radio receiver/jet pack he wore on his back during the '04 Presidential debates. I'm sure Rove or Gannon gave him some hot pants and whatnot, as well. Such an outfit should be displayed proudly - not kept in the closet forever.
- Cones of silence. Visitors could sit in them and experience what it's like to live in a bubble, completely isolated from others.
- Pre-Presidential items should be displayed as well: Bush's old cheerleading uniform, annual reports from his various failed companies, and so on.
For kids:
- An interactive exhibit where volunteers dress up as cartoon characters. The characters would have names like "Accountability" and "Responsibility" and the kids would have to evade them just like Bush does now. It would be sort of like hide & seek, but more educational.
- A petting zoo where children could put lipstick on a pig.
- A catapult for flinging BS on the unwashed hordes outside of the library (in a "free-speech zone") who couldn't afford the bribe needed for admission.
- A robot that spouts talking points no matter what you ask it. If Condi Rice or Ken Mehlmen are available, they can stand in for the robot when it needs repairs.
- Shredded Constitution Exhibit: They could give out copies of the Constitution and kids could throw them into a high powered shredder, showering their friends with "Constitution Confetti."
- Compassion Cookies! What do cookies have to do with compassion? Absolutely nothing but there has to be a token compassion something-or-another.
- "Dick Cheney or Frankenstein?" Exhibit. Seems self explanatory to me.
- Free Ritalin!
For Parents:
- Parenting class: "Dissembling Children - They're not just bad kids anymore! They could still grow up to be the Worst President Ever, be admired by 30% of the population AND be defended by bought blow-dried chickenhawk monkeys in the media." Barbara Bush could teach this particular course.
Public programs:
- Enron-Style Accounting. It could include discussion of Bush's pioneering use of this method of accounting long before it caused Enron to implode. Advanced courses would teach you how to apply the techniques to the government sector.
- Public Relations. Spin, Spin, Spin! Perception is everything. They could have guest whores, er, speakers from FOX News and the myriad other DC firms that have received pork barrel PR spending to sell us programs & policies we didn't really want.
- Aggressive Interrogation Techniques. I'm of the firm belief that Rush Limbaugh and other fans of this particular method of questioning should volunteer to be subjects since it's "just like fraternity hazing" and mostly harmless. Interrogators could be instructed in how to do it without causing death or major organ failure.
Documents:
The documents stored at the library would probably be the most disappointing part of the entire George W. Bush Presidential Library but it wouldn't really matter because, like the Bush Whitehouse, at the GW Bush Presidential Library it's style over substance. It'll be razzle-dazzle, not boring stuff for the nerd patrol.
Given Bush's mind-boggling incompetence and ignorance, it's difficult to imagine the library will contain much information that will actually be of use to anyone anyhow. Any Presidential papers that haven't already been shredded will be heavily redacted to hide his incompetence and criminality. Those documents that are not heavily redacted will contain the usual Orwellian spin that they have been cramming down our throats for the past 6 years. You know, some fluff pieces about Clear Skies, No Child Left Behind, forged documents about "Nigerian Yellow Cake", cooked National Intelligence Estimates, fanciful economics reports extolling the virtues of $400 billion budget deficits, etc. It would also be interesting if Bush actually found the courage to finally propose the details of his Social Security Privatization program instead of waiting around for his Republican Rubberstamp/doormat bitches in Congress to write it.
Message engraved over the Entrance:
The library would have some Nugget of GW Bush wisdom engraved over the entrance... something inane like "Freedom is a gift from the almighty" or something just plain stupid like "Our enemies never stop thinking of ways to hurt us, and neither do we."
Personal Note:
For what it's worth, I don't think he deserves a Presidential Library. I think he deserves the first Presidential Outhouse. The George W. Bush Presidential Outhouse can still contain his unopened Bible and My Pet Goat, but aside from that it would just be a toilet with an image in his likeness at the bottom onto which we can drop our loads.
One last thing: If you know any Americans living overseas, remind them to vote this year. Depending on their state, some of them can still register at www.VoteFromAbroad.org