First things first. While I intend to be snarky with this diary (look below the fold), I would first like to make a serious point. The 30 second campaign ad format is played out. It is almost impossible for a candidate to get a substantive message out in 30 seconds because of the razzle-dazzle and soundbites that are required to capture the voters attention in that short timespan.
Remember when Ross Perot mounted his independent bid for the Presidency in 1992? He did something very interesting, and I think useful: he bought 30 minute blocks of airtime and had campaign informercials in which he treated his audience like responsible adults and set forth his ideas with a decent amount of specificity. Wikipedia says this about Perot's ads:
these ads garnered more viewership than many sitcoms, with one Friday night program in October attracting 10.5 million viewers.
Is it too much to ask our Candidates to "think outside of the box" and to give us such advertisements now? Not on YouTube, but on air (they can be put on YouTube also, of course). 30 minute informercial campaign ads would instantly set candidates apart from the others & inject a level of seriousness that is simply missing when they use the 30 second campaign ad format. Americans like being treated like adults. I believe we're up to the task of processing information, graphs and even numbers. Such infomercials would benefit non-leading candidates and candidates who had ideas but have difficulty getting their message out. John Edwards, anyone? They could probably also be done cheaply in some media markets (New Hampshire, Iowa, etc.). Anyway, I personally would like it if the Democratic candidates would try them out and I believe Americans would appreciate it, as well. Even if the ads were only 5 or 10 minutes long. We have a lot of good candidates and I think people might actually like to hear about their proposals in depth, especially with regards to issues like Health Care, Energy Independence, our massive defense spending, etc.
Fred Thompson ad ideas: Snark section
Saying that though, I love bashing the Republican candidate who "had a good attendance record in the Senate", Fred Thompson. The Republican candidates collectively don't have an original idea in their heads yet Fred Thompson is even more of an empty vessel into which the Republican wingnut base is pouring their hopes and dreams that he is another Ronald Reagan. It does not phase wingnuts that Thompson literally makes his living doing dramatic readings of scripts, written by other people, IN HOLLYWEIRD.
If ever there was a way that the Republicans could insult our intelligence even further, it would be thru the use of mini-drama campaign ads starring Fred Thompson and his sexy, younger second wife. They could purchase 30 minute blocks of airtime - FOX might even give them a discount - for Thompson's dramatized campaign ads.
I had a couple of ideas for Thompson and hope other ideas will be suggested in the comments.
- "Law and Order: Gitmo". Fred Thompson stars as a kangaroo court Judge at Gitmo where he condemns hapless goat herders - who were sold to us by other goat herders - to death. The casting director could hire bin Laden and Saddam look-alikes and Fred Thompson could deliver rousing verdicts where he rails against their hatred of American Freedom, baseball, Apple Pie and Mom. Thompson's sexy younger 2nd wife could be the executioner who teases the condemned Muslim men with her sexuality before cruelly (but calmly) exterminating them in a variety of extreme manners. The right wing authoritarian nutjobs who lead the War on Terror (tm) from the rear would work themselves into a frenzy of pretend violence & actual stupidity and Fred Thompson would be able to establish his anti-terror bona fides with the insane Republican base. Thompson might even be able to get Jack Bauer to guest star, which would be the blow of death to the other Republican campaigns. Romney would have no where to run after Thompson seizes the mantle of Gitmo, even if only fictitiously. People would forget about McCain's experience as a vet. Guiliani, who stupidly placed the NYC Command Center in the most targeted building in the most targeted city in America, would suddenly just be the guy who was caught on film walking thru the ground up remains of the WTC.
- "Law and Order: Border Patrol". Fred Thompson is a folksy - but not lazy! - border patrol officer who is forced by the circumstances of his hopeless position in the government bureacracy to peform his duties in an extra-legal manner. He could drive a gigantic red, white and blue Hummer with a 50 caliber machine gun mounted on the top & roam around various border towns "protecting" America from 'illegals'. He could plaster ads all over his Hummer (a la Nascar) for his largest contributors so they could do product placement during his show. His sexy, younger 2nd wife could seduce clueless illegal border crossers in various desert outposts and then, when they go for her forbidden fruit, Fred Thompson lowers the boom on their sorry asses. He could rough them up. He could make them clean his Hummer before he puts them to work building a border fence. He could detain them indefinitely as unlawful enemy combatants or he could ship them off to a fictitious country from which they'll never be able to invade American again. The bad guys will forever be paying for their sins of trying to illegally enter our country. Of course lovely illegal Senoritas captured in his schemes would still look lustfully at the handsome Gringo stud from Tennessee, but he wouldn't pay them any mind because he's devoted to his sexy, younger 2nd wife. This anti-immigrant message would put the other Republican panderers to shame. Even Tancredo would cry "no mas".
Chris Matthews will dedicate entire shows to Thompson's manliness. Republican talking-head women will wax poetically about what a great protector Thompson is. Tucker Carlson and Jonah Goldberg will wistfully dream of having a beer with Thompson. Right-wingers will finally crawl out from under their beds when they realize they will not actually have to fight their favorite wars because Fred Thompson will have already defeated Islamofascism and illegal immigrants on teevee. To paraphrase Thompson's soon to be vanquished Republican opponent Sam Brownback, "it will be a glorious day of life and liberty" - for right wing whiners, cry babies and cowards.
Does anyone else have any mini-drama campaign ad ideas for Fred Thompson? Please add them in the comments. Please feel free to provide feedback about the Democratic candidate informercial idea, also.